Chapter 16: Best Laid Plans

Alexandria opened the door to her apartment, and was surprised to see her brother there. This semester, he had been coming home late more and more often. She usually left the apartment pretty early for her classes or her work. With Alexander coming home after she went to bed, and Alexandria leaving before he woke up, and it was odd for them to be at the apartment at the same time.

That in and of itself was strange. Growing up so close to someone, so that you practically shared most aspects of their life, and then slowly drifting apart as the years went by... there was something awfully sad about that.

But here he sat. She had expected him to stay with Miranda a lot later. She idly wondered whether things were well between them. It wasn't any of her business, really, but that hadn't stopped her from asking before.

“Hi, Al. The walk was nice?”

He looked up from his reading. “Yeah, I guess. How was the aftermath of the party?”

That didn't sound good. She sat down next to him. “I helped Calvin clean up. When I left, Adrian and Theresa were still talking.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I'm a little worried about those two, but I'm not sure why. Just a feeling. And I'm not sure I trust my feelings tonight.” She had been constantly second guessing herself ever since she found out that she had been drinking the Satisfaction mix. How much of what she was feeling was really her?

Alexander nodded, and kept reading.

“What are you thinking about?” Alexandria asked.

“Nothing,” Alexander said. Alexandria doubted that, and worried. Alexander and she had never been super close, but he was becoming more and more distant as the semester dragged on. In the past, she would have pressed him on the topic, forcefully pulling information out of him. For some reason, tonight, she felt like it wasn't the best tactic.

What she really wanted to do was talk to him about Calvin. She had been wanting to ever since the first car ride. But, on the one hand, given Calvin's condition, it was increasingly unlikely that Al would be able to accurately tell her what Calvin was thinking. Guys already acted stupidly when it came to relationships, and Calvin's particular brand of crazy was probably nothing like Alexander's.

Another reason she wasn't sure whether talking to him was a good idea was this distance that had cropped up between them. She wanted talking to her brother to be a conversation, and not just her complaining about her problems. That wasn't happening, though, not recently.

The thought briefly crossed her mind that she should talk to Calvin about what's going on with Alexander. She dismissed it quickly; Calvin just didn't get people, not in any normal way.

Alexander kept reading; he seemed to have forgotten that his sister was even there. Alexandria looked at him. He wasn't turning any pages; his eyes weren't moving back and forth across the page. He was certainly thinking about something else, something he didn't want his sister to know about. The thing that struck Alexandria the most was that he didn't look happy.

Despite how wonderful the night had seemed, the lively conversation, and despite the fact that they had all drank a mixture designed to make them satisfied, it seemed that nobody was happier for it. Alexander finally seemed to be in a relationship with a girl-- and Miranda certainly seemed nice at dinner. But it wasn't bringing him joy. She wondered how Miranda felt about it.

Theresa had finally gotten her dinner party set up. The food was delicious; the game was fun even if it didn't go exactly how it was designed; the company was varied and interesting. But she had ended the evening worried about something. At least Adrian had been trying to calm her down. Part of Alexandria regretted that she hadn't been helping her friend, but Adrian seemed to have it well in hand and she had wanted to talk to Calvin anyway.

Calvin seemed relatively at peace, but if Miranda's tabletop diagnosis was correct, he never got extremely upset or extremely happy, so that wasn't useful to think about.

Looking back, Alexandria realized that she had been a bit mean. Of course Calvin was sensitive to those who wanted, or needed, for that matter, the brews. He was a person who had little access to emotions anyway-- he wouldn't want to put other people into that position, if they had a way out of it.

And herself? Well, she wasn't particularly happy either.

But on the other hand, she was really looking forward to Christmas break. Every year they went to Jackson Lake by the Tetons, right after Christmas, for a week or two, before their parent's friend stayed there.

When they were children, the cabins surrounding the lake were occupied. They would build snow forts with the other children that lived there, elaborate tunnels that ran all the way across the frozen surface. As the years went by though, fewer and fewer people went to the lake. Their parents, too, had been increasingly busy, and had stopped going to the lake. Since the twins had left for college, their mother had switched from part time work to full time work. Both their parents were working very hard to retire early, and the didn't have much time for vacations. Last year, as far as they could tell, the twins had been the only ones there-- not only in their cabin, but on the entire lake.

She couldn't imagine why. To her, there was something magical about that lake. All of the concerns and worries about school, or her social life just dropped away. It was something about the mountains and the water. Countless people had climbed those mountains or swam in the lake. They had brought their cares and trials, and Alexandria never doubted that they left that place calmer and more relaxed. The mountains had seen years and years of sadness, and were not the worse for it.

Alexander got up, interrupting her thoughts.

“I can't wait for Christmas break,” she said. “Can you?”

“It will be pretty great,” he said, but he didn't sound like he believed it. Not one bit.

She thought back to the last winter. Then, her brother had been good company. She had gone hiking and climbing in the area, and they had talked about anything until the late hours of the night. This break, if the semester was any indication, it would be very lonely indeed, even with another person there. But, then again, wasn't that the worst way to be lonely? Being by yourself in that state was bad enough, but being alone in a crowd... that was heartbreaking.

“Should we invite people this year?” she asked. Last year they hadn't made well enough friends by Christmas to feel comfortable inviting anyone out with them, but this year they might be able to get away with it.

Alexander rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “What about the group tonight?”

“The whole group?” Alexandria asked.

“Sure. I expect you're going to invite Theresa and Calvin.” She nodded. Alexander twitched oddly, and continued. “I'm guessing Miranda would want to come, but that would leave Theresa as a bit of a third wheel, what with you and Calvin and Miranda and I. And she and Adrian seemed to be getting along really well last night, so it makes sense.”

“Calvin and I?” Alexandria said, intending to protest. But Alexander just looked at her, and she said nothing. He had a point.

“So,” she said, when Alexander continued to stand in silence. “Six people. The cabin should be able to fit that many. That should be a lot of fun. Perhaps with a group this big we can finally get up Mt. Moran. I can ask people tomorrow, and we can start to plan.”

“That sounds fine to me,” said Alexander, and turned towards his room.

“Are you going to bed?” she asked. He nodded. As he started to walk away, she blurted out, “Is there anything else you want to talk about?” It was a long shot, she knew, but it was worth another try.

Alexander stood there, almost frozen. For a horrific second, he looked exactly like some of the corpses she treated at her job. His face was lined with worry; his mouth was expressionless. There was a pale and empty air about him.

“No,” Alexander said. He went to his room, and closed the door.

Alexandria leaned her head back against the couch. It was too late to go for a run, but she desperately wanted to do something active, something to remind her that, despite whatever sadness she held in her heart, she was still gloriously alive, and that was something to be thankful about.

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