Chapter 17: Hasty Preparations

The rest of the semester passed by at a speed which astonished Alexandria, and, as far as she could tell, dismayed Alexander.

For Alexandria, the time was full of activity and study. She got up early every day, and either jogged down to campus to study or to Murwin's Funeral Home to work. In the afternoons she climbed at the Sunlight Spires, or spent the time studying with Theresa.

Calvin had taken to accompanying her during her climbs. He never climbed himself-- he was extraordinarily physically inactive-- but he worked on homework or read while she struggled with the rock. She imagined it was a nice period of work for both of them. She overcame physical challenges; he overcame mental ones. Afterwords, they always talked about something or another. Sometimes they talked about strange philosophical problems Calvin was thinking about, which was always annoying, but many of their conversations were far more normal.

Her studies with Theresa were troubling. From the sound of it, she was spending more and more time with Adrian, which she seemed to be very happy about. But when Alexandria would ask what it was that they did together, Theresa was never able to tell her much. They certainly weren't being intimate, Theresa wasn't that kind of girl, but it didn't sound like they had many overlapping areas of interest. It worried her.

It didn't worry her as much as Alexander and Miranda. Alexandria didn't know much about relationships, but she had a pretty good idea that the other person was supposed to make you happier. Alexander wasn't any happier due to his increased time with Miranda. If anything, he had only gotten worse.

After her exams had finished and before their group left for Christmas, Alexandria decided to take Miranda out to coffee and figure out just what was going on between Miranda and her brother.

The shop was mostly empty. A few students, with exams yet to come before they were finally free for the break, were frantically studying on their surfaces. Mugs sat before them, which had cooled down after hours of relative inattention.

Alexandria didn't drink coffee. She sat, legs crossed nervously, with a mug of hot chocolate in her hands. She envied the students with their half full mugs, even if they were lukewarm. Drinking during an awkward conversation was almost a necessity, especially one like this. These sort of topics lent themselves to one person dominating the conversation for a long period of time, and it was amazingly helpful to have a beverage she could drink while trying to be attentive. The problem was that coffee, unlike hot chocolate, was a drink she couldn't drink quickly. She had almost finished with her hot chocolate, and Miranda was still talking about her semester in general. Alexandria hadn't found a way to broach the Alexander subject yet.

“That sounds really great,” said Alexandria. She couldn't really remember what Miranda was talking about at all.

“It really was,” Miranda said. “Such an eye opening experience. It's weird to think that a lot of the problems in abnormal psychology, and society in general, are more or less going to be solved in the next five years thanks to the brews. Depression is fairly easy, as long as you have a constant supply, same with other psychological afflictions. Drug related crime is down, spontaneous crime is down, the list goes on and on. I'm a little worried about my future, you know? What if it turns out there isn't any need for psychologists anymore? But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. But, yeah, I'm really glad that I went to that guest lecture.”

Alexandria nodded. Ordinarily, she would have argued with Miranda a bit on some of those points. But she had given up on arguing with people who weren't Calvin. It got her no where with her brother, and it was extremely unproductive with Theresa. Calvin was practically impossible to offend, and usually had something interesting to say. She guessed that arguing with Miranda on this point wouldn't be a good idea-- and besides, she wanted her to be in a good mood when she brought up Alexander. And now seemed like a good time to do it.

“So how are you and Alexander doing?” Alexandria said. She winced; it was too abrupt. She couldn't figure out a good transition, and she didn't want to sit here forever.

Miranda looked down at her coffee.

“We're doing fine, I suppose.”

Alexandria rolled her eyes. “Care to elaborate?”

Miranda shifted in her seat. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because I'm his sister.” Alexandria leaned forward. “And to be perfectly blunt, your relationship with him worries me. And since we're going to be spending a week together after Christmas, I think it's best if we got things straight.” She wiped some strands of brown hair out of her eyes. “Look, Alexander doesn't come home until very late most nights. I'm not sure when; I'm usually asleep. I'm guessing he's with you. And he's not happy. I'm not sure how he is when he's with you; I'm hoping he doesn't mope around because he sure does at home. I can't stand it, and I'm not sure how you could. And he doesn't talk to me anymore. I don't know how his classes are going; I don't know how his life is going; I don't know anything.” She leaned back. “In all honesty, I'm only partially interested in your relationship. I'm more interested in my brother. I just want to know that he's doing alright.”

Miranda didn't look up at her. “Well, I'm not sure about the getting home late part. Whenever we hang out, he's usually gone by midnight.”

Alexandria thought to herself. Some nights she was asleep by then, but a lot of nights, she was not.

Miranda continued. “He's happy with me, I think. I know that he seems sad sometimes, and maybe he is, but I can help him out of it. I mean... I'm going to be a psychologist. If I can't help somebody that I know fairly well and somebody that I like... what am I doing? You know what I mean?”

Alexandria knew what she meant; but she felt like Miranda had the opposite conclusion. Miranda seemed to think she could fix Alexander; Alexandria felt like Miranda shouldn't really be a therapist.

“What are you doing to try to help him?” Alexandria asked.

Miranda tossed her hair back, and looked intent. Professional, almost.

“Alexander seems to suffer from some type of depression,” Miranda said. “I'm not sure which one. For now, I've just been trying to make sure he knows he's loved and cared for--”

“That's what I'm there for,” Alexandria said. “You've known him for barely a few months! I'm his twin sister! Why does he need that from you?”

“It's often harder with siblings,” Miranda said seriously. “How can Alexander know you're caring for him freely and not out of some sort of familial duty? With me, he knows that it's all willful. There's no trickery or manipulation in it.”

“I suppose,” Alexandria said, biting her lip. “But just because something is done out of duty doesn't mean it isn't done freely.”

“Well, think of this,” said Miranda. “Would you care for him if he wasn't your brother?”

“I wouldn't even know him if he wasn't my brother,” said Alexandria. “That's a ridiculous question.”

“Fine, someone who acted exactly like Al and was a classmate of yours.”

“I'd try to help him a bit, but there wouldn't be that connection! And there shouldn't be with you, you don't know him that well, you've only known him for a few months!”

Miranda looked down again, and said nothing. Alexandria considered whether Miranda could really be in love with her brother. It seemed unlikely... but Alexandria knew she wasn't an expert when it came to that. Better be safe than sorry.

“I apologize,” Alexandria said carefully. “It's just... you can see it from my position, can't you? How much it hurts to have my brother just slip away from me?”

“I can,” said Miranda. “Believe me. But can you see it from his? How much it helps to have someone who isn't your twin truly care and appreciate you?”

“I suppose,” said Alexandria. But she certainly wasn't happy about it. “Ok. So you're showing him love and support. What else?”

“Well,” said Miranda, “if his condition gets worse, I'd suggest maybe getting him on the brews. As I said before, it's done wonder for those already diagnosed with--”

“You're insane,” said Alexandria. “You're crazy.”

“Why? It makes people happier, it's chemically guaranteed to do that.”

“And what happens when he doesn't have immediate access to it? If he can't fight whatever he's going through now...” Alexandria rubbed her forehead in frustration. “Look, when somebody who climbs, or does anything athletic, really, breaks their legs, they're given a brace, right? But even with the brace, they have to exercise. If they don't, and they just rely on their crutches, their muscles atrophy and when they get off the crutches, they are completely unable to stand on their own. Ok? What Alexander needs is... emotional exercise, or whatever, not a crutch. As soon as he doesn't get the brews, if you get him on these... evil things, he's going to be completely broken. You understand? Completely.”

“I don't think that's true,” said Miranda. “Not what I've studied at least. And I wouldn't want that to happen to him either!

“Just... don't get him on the brews, ok? Just don't.”

Miranda looked at her closely. “I won't,” she said, “for now. You're his sister, I guess I can understand that. But if he gets worse... promise me you'll reconsider.”

“I will make no such promise,” said Alexandria.

Miranda stood up. “Thanks for the coffee,” she said, and started to walk away.

Alexandria turned around. “Wait,” she said. “Why do you care about him so much?”

Miranda stopped in her tracks. She looked back at Alexandria, a look of puzzlement on her face.

“I love him,” she said, very softly, almost inaudibly.

Alexandria glared at her, and said, entirely without thinking, “I don't believe you.”

Miranda's eyes widened. Then she quickly walked out the door, raising one hand to her eyes.

Alexandria leaned back, and banged her head against the wall, eyes closed, and her mouth curved in anger. Why had she said that? It had just sort of slipped out. She had better try to get on good terms with Miranda, somehow, or this Christmas break was going to be really, really awkward.

But, having said it, she realized deep down that she really didn't believe Miranda. She didn't know what was going on in her brother's relationship, but she didn't think for one second that it was really love.

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